Jersey Shore Quotes

Home » Jersey Shore Quotes » Season One Quotes

I was born and raised a guido. It's just a lifestyle, it's being Italian, it's representing, family, friends, tanning, gel, everything. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D There's no way i'm going to Jersey without my hair gel, can't leave without my gel. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice juiced hot tanned guy and live my life. ♥ Quote By: Snooki This is The Situation right here, my abs are so ripped up it's.. we call it The Situation. ♥ Quote By: The Situation You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet, but do not fuck with me. ♥ Quote By: Sammi You're number one mission is to go out and find the hottest guido and take him home. ♥ Quote By: Sammi A guidette is somebody who knows how to club it up, takes really good care of themselves, has pretty hair, cakes on makeup, has tanned skin, wears the hottest heals, pretty much they know how to own it and rock it. ♥ Quote By: Sammi If you're not a guido then you can get the f*ck outta my face. ♥ Quote By: Sammi Guys with the blow-outs and the fake tans, and guys that wear lip-gloss and makeup, those aren't guidos, those are retards. ♥ Quote By: Vinny I am like a praying mantis, after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off. ♥ Quote By: JWOWW I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men. When they date me it's cool in the beginning, we do our thing in the first month, and then I send them on a rollercoaster ride to hell. ♥ Quote By: JWOWW You just take your shirt off and they come to you, it's like a fly comes to sh*t. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie I am the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island baby. ♥ Quote By: Angelina I am all natural. I have real boobs. I have a nice fat ass. Look at this sh*t, I mean, come on, I'm hot. ♥ Quote By: Angelina Get ready to party, get out there, get filthy, creepy and weird. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie How do you go in a f*cking jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini , that's a little bit more classier if you're gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean? ♥ Quote By: Angelina When I woke up I was like what did I do last night? Like what did I do? I fucked up... story of my life. ♥ Quote By: Snooki I mean this situation is gonna be indescribable, you can't even describe the situation that you're about to get into the situation. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I feel like this job is beneath me, I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things. ♥ Quote By: Angelina I am a princess at home, like, I am the f*cking princess of f*cking Poughkeepsie. Here, I am nobody, I'm like emotionally exhausted. ♥ Quote By: Snooki If you want to look somewhat like The Situation, which is gonna be pretty hard, you need to get that protein in your diet. ♥ Quote By: The Situation If I was just gonna get sloppy, I should have just pounded out what's her name on Friday night. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie You only learn, you grow, you move on, you have to push through every situation that you're in. ♥ Quote By: Sammi Snooki's staying and I'm ready to party. I'm ready to meet sexy guidos and I'm ready just to f*cking be single. ♥ Quote By: Snooki In a weird Snookers world, like me and Snookers would make the best, like, little guidos and guidettes, little poofs and blow-outs on our little kids. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I don't give a f*ck. You're fat, you're ugly, you're 45 years-old, I'll dance with you. It's hilarious, ya know what I mean? ♥ Quote By: Vinny My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscles, juice-head, guido. ♥ Quote By: Snooki With me and Sam, it's not a matter of if she wants to hook up with me; it's a matter of just when I decide. ♥ Quote By: The Situation That's what you get for putting a fat girl's ass in your face [laughs] that's how you get pinkeye! ♥ Quote By: Ronnie Don't let the spike hair fool you, like I'm not a bitch. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D The Ron-Ron Juice is the shit that gets the night going, I mean whenever that shit comes out it's always a filthy night. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie I hear the music, I start fist-pumping, I start dancing, I'm pulling girls on stage and now.. Vinny came out to play. ♥ Quote By: Vinny I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I left the club early because I didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I felt like eating ham and drinkin' water. Ham. ♥ Quote By: JWOWW Everybody at the Shore definitely knows The Situation. As far as I know, everybody loves The Situation, and if you don't love The Situation, I'm gonna make you love The Situation. ♥ Quote By: The Situation If a girl's a slut, she should be abused. ♥ Quote By: Angelina Yo, I will cut your hair while you're sleeping! ♥ Quote By: Angelina Pickles is my thing. ♥ Quote By: Snooki We hold hands in front of you, we cuddle in front of you, we make out in front of you, like what else do we need, do I need to beat it front of you, too? ♥ Quote By: Ronnie Angelina was like a half-ass firecracker. It just fizzled out real quick and made a loud noise. ♥ Quote By: The Situation Saturday night, I'm going to Headliners, I'm looking to have more of a classy night tonight. ♥ Quote By: Vinny Next thing you know, the grill is legit burnt. Smoke, like flames. ♥ Quote By: Sammi I guess I'm single, I don't know. If I am we got a problem on our hands...I'll show my true side, my true, dirty, f*cking filthy side. ♥ Quote By: JWOWW I had a feeling where I wanted to make out with somebody, so, umm, I just made out with Ryder, because all the guys like that. ♥ Quote By: Snooki She just doesn't want to feel like a trashbag because she has a boyfriend and she kissed me with her tongue. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D Mike can be a nice guy like, he shows his good side then he shows his jerk off side, that's what I like: a good guy and a jerk off, it's all in the same. ♥ Quote By: Snooki I'm gonna break it down dancing, I love the beats, I got my creepy patent move. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie Like when I left Karma, I didn't even know what was going on in my head, like I'm gonna f*cking knock a bitch up. ♥ Quote By: Sammi I'm gonna f*cking get at her so bad right now, I'm gonna eat her alive, bro, seriously? You wanna play this game? ♥ Quote By: Ronnie I got girls back here almost every night, there's not a time that I don't have girls coming back. Girls love The Situation. ♥ Quote By: The Situation They were acting kinda stupid, but we just made the best out of the situation like we always do & just ride out. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D I'm hooking up with my girl, Pauly's hooking up with his girl & ahh, we're gonna have sex, so, ya know, that's the situation. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I couldn't have sex with my girl, she had her period. I go to take her pants off - she wouldn't let me, no big deal. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D I'm like "chill out, Freckles McGee." ♥ Quote By: The Situation Yes, I had sex, like hello, you're gonna have sex if you're into somebody. It's natural. ♥ Quote By: Sammi Yeah, we smushed. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie You gotta stay fresh-to-death I call it - fresh outfit, fresh haircut, fresh tan, just stay fresh. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D You better be hittin' the gym & if you're not hittin' the gym for like an hour or so, you know, you may have a problem. Ok, cause I'm at the gym for like an hour-and-a-half.. ya know?.. workin' on my fitness. ♥ Quote By: The Situation Mike would bang a Gatorade bottle if it had a pulse at this point. Seriously, he would. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie The friggin' duck phone. ♥ Quote By: Snooki When I say I'm ready to go wild, I'm gonna go wild. ♥ Quote By: Snooki Snickers came out of the woodwork, which is hysterical - it was the best thing I ever saw in my life. ♥ Quote By: JWOWW This little shrimp thing is like bopping all around, on the circle and like doing her thing, doing backwards flips with her thong hanging out; her whole crotch is in the air. ♥ Quote By: Sammi We're beatin'-up-the-beat, that's what we say when we're doing our fist pump. First, we start off by banging the ground, we're banging it as the beat builds 'cause that beat's hittin' us so we're fightin' back, it's like we beat up that beat. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D When I go into the club I have a game plan, I don't wanna waste my time and take home a girl that just wants to hang out, I just wanna get to the you light it up and then you move on & at the end of the night you see who you end up with. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D Let's go, you got a quarter so get outcha car. ♥ Quote By: The Situation Basically, one of these girls was definitely more cuter than the other and it happened to be my girl & Pauly D was with "the grenade." When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you so that just in case a grenade gets thrown at you, one of your buddies takes it first. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I was thinkin' heavy fire and I didn't wear my bulletproof vest and I just don't know if I'm gonna make it. ♥ Quote By: The Situation It wasn't, like, sexual, it's f*cking house music. ♥ Quote By: Snooki He's a really good guy. That's the kind of guy I need in my life. I think his name is Ron. ♥ Quote By: Snooki Please don't tell me I have missing teeth! ♥ Quote By: Snooki I'm laying there and I'm like, yo, what the f*ck just happened? ♥ Quote By: Snooki Schnickers is like crying 'cause she got punched in the face and like The Situation is creepin'. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie He better not hope I don't find out his name, bro. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie I never expected to ever get hit by a guy, ever. ♥ Quote By: Snooki Now I know that they all love me like I love them. Like, I stuck up for them - that's why I got hit in the face, and I think they realize that and they realize I'm a nice person and I care about everybody in this house and now they all feel the same way about me. ♥ Quote By: Snooki How do you watch that girl get in her face and do nothing and like you still have the balls to creep. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie This house is f*ckin' atrocious. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie I was about to barrel through cops, I was that heated. ♥ Quote By: Vinny I definitely want to look good for Ronnie's parents, because it's the first time they're meeting me. Like, I want them to think like wow, that's her, she's really pretty, and whatever. ♥ Quote By: Sammi F*ck my life. ♥ Quote By: Snooki Girls love a DJ, so once they see me behind the wheels of steel over there, doing my thing... watch out. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D I'm doing him a favor 'cause I see the spot, it has some potential, and I like to throw down a sick mix and that's gonna bring people to his spot. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D I came home when they were putting in the lobsters, i was like yo, are those real? That's disgusting, I'm a vet tech. Like, I save animals, I don't kill them. ♥ Quote By: Snooki That's why I don't eat lobster or anything like that cause they're alive when you kill it. ♥ Quote By: Snooki I know us guys are awesome, but, come on girls, at least chip in a little bit. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I think what happened to Snookers brought us a lot closer to Snookers, definitely. 'Cause now we like kinda feel bad and she's a real person, i mean, we get on her and stuff like that but we still care for her. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D I tried to eat but I couldn't get it in my freakin' mouth 'cause I'm disabled. ♥ Quote By: Snooki Get the f*ck outta here, I just cooked for like two hours. ♥ Quote By: The Situation Good job, you cooked food for everyone. Have I ever asked you to cook me food? No. Do you do it? Yeah. ♥ Quote By: Sammi Everybody should take each side of my plate and walk it to the garbage. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I'm not touching one dish, because I cooked a crazy meal and she's got the nerve to tell me to clean my plate. You know what? You are excluded from dinner then, from now on you are excluded from the surf n' turf night. You excluded from ravioli night, you excluded from chicken cutlet night. ♥ Quote By: The Situation Michael only does care about himself, he doesn't care about Nicole. ♥ Quote By: JWOWW Mike, I don't f*ckin' like you. He puts on a show. He acts like somebody that he's not, and I pretty much don't like him at all, in any way. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie My hair didn't even move an inch and I was in & out of the water. My hair's windproof, waterproof, soccerproof, motocycleproof. I'm not sure if my hair's bulletproof, I'm not willin' to try that. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D I was pissed off, like right when I fuckin' met a guy and I wanted to get his number and hang out with him we had to leave, just my luck. ♥ Quote By: Snooki There is definitely a numbers game when it comes to girls. Let's just say, ya know, ten girls have slipped you their number within that particular week. There is a possibility that, like, five or six may not answer. Somebody may pick up but they're busy, but probably on three or four they're probably coming over and I'm going to have to make a decision on which group of girls I want to come over for me and my boy Pauly. ♥ Quote By: The Situation As long as you keep calling there will be success in your numbers game, it's just like anything. ♥ Quote By: The Situation Pauly & Mike are always looking for girls, ya know what I mean? I think they're going fishing tonight. They'll probably scrape something off the boardwalk. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie They're cool girls. They're smart and everything, but they want to hook up just as well, but I think it will take a couple of times seeing them to hook up. They're not like whores. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D Stephanie is a girl I met at Bamboo, and she's actually a pretty girl that I'm attracted to, to the point where I'd rather do sweet things for you instead of, ya know, just come home and hook-up, it's like a different situation. ♥ Quote By: The Situation They're pretty cool, ya know, there some girls that are just gonna come here, strip off their clothes & jump the the jacuzzi. Then there are some girls that are respectful, that you have to just actually treat like girls, human beings. ♥ Quote By: Vinny She called Snookers fat & that like triggered me, umm, so I threw my drink in her face. ♥ Quote By: JWOWW I look over and I see like hair being pulled & all this sh*t, I'm like oh my god, how do I get in? ♥ Quote By: Snooki I was gonna try to uppercut her, but at that point I had too many bouncers wrapped around me. I just wish for like 3 more seconds. I woulda done justice. ♥ Quote By: JWOWW JWOWW f*ckin' beat a bitch up tonight. I tried to get in it but I couldn't. ♥ Quote By: Snooki I'm fat [fake cries] I'm about to eat a sausage right now. F*CK YOU ALL!!! HAHA! ♥ Quote By: Snooki Pauly pulled out his DJ equipment. He's got the Italian thing on the equipment, he has another Italian flag on his book bag, another Italian flag on his laptop. He's the ultimate guido, he really is. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie Everybody gets stood up, everybody gets hung up on and rejected, I'm not saying I'm not, I'm just saying 9 out of 10 times I'm good wit it. ♥ Quote By: The Situation [On JWOWW's bf, Tommy]
This kid's a sucka, he keeps sending her all this sh*t. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D
JWOWW's p*ssy must be rainbows & pasta treasure. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie I would give her dick in bubblegum. I would send her a picture of my dick in a pack of bubblegum & say 'chew on this'. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie I'm the youngest guy in the house. But I'm the most mature person in the house. ♥ Quote By: Vinny G.T.L. baby. Gym, Tanning, Laundry. ♥ Quote By: The Situation These kids are robots...Gym, Tanning, Laundry...that's how they make the guidos. ♥ Quote By: Vinny About G.T.L: I don't follow those rules at all...I can see if it was Basketball, Pool, Beach. ♥ Quote By: Vinny The kid's harmless. Vinny knows that I'm pretty much the man of the house and not to push it too far or I'm gonna throw him in my trunk. ♥ Quote By: The Situation (On The Situation's Sister)
She's Mike without a six-pack. She looked like Mike with a wig on. I was a little bit freaked out. ♥ Quote By: Vinny
When we're out on the battlefield, I'm like the first strike. It's sorta like they send me out, first, like the Navy SEALS. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I hate guys. I'm turning lesbian. I swear. ♥ Quote By: Snooki It's so hard to find a good man these days. That's why I date women. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D See that look in his eye? He's ready to motorboat! ♥ Quote By: Vinny Ronnie's in pure creep mode. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie Guy's are all the same. I put money on it; he brings home a bitch and gets with her tonight, on purpose. ♥ Quote By: Sammi I'll suck your big toe right now, I don't give a sh*t. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie There's one huge grenade launcher, there's one grenade, and then there's one cutie. ♥ Quote By: The Situation Someone threw a drink and then all of a sudden it was like WWIII or something. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D This one girl starts like charging me like a f*ckin' hippo. ♥ Quote By: Snooki My face is f*cked-up again. ♥ Quote By: Snooki Go home. You don't belong here. You don't even look Italian! ♥ Quote By: Sammi Through the scuffle Snooks gets hit in the face, again. Poor girl...she needs to take some karate classes or somethin'. She needs self defense. Somebody's got to teach her how to fight or duck. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D I just fought 2 bitches that I don't even care about for my roommate that's a frickin' retard for bringing them back. ♥ Quote By: Snooki I felt bad about Snickers getting hit by a couple linebackers. I necessarily didn't want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures what-so-ever. I mean, these broads just probably smelled the food at the house. ♥ Quote By: The Situation Don't bring home any f*ckin' elephants like that ever again. ♥ Quote By: Snooki There might be some little rugrats here today, too, so keep it G. ♥ Quote By: Vinny She brought like 4 trays of frickin' ziti, the sauce, ya know, all this food. We got amazing cold cuts, loaves of bread, I'm like 'oh my god, it's f*ckin' Christmas.' ♥ Quote By: Snooki You just f*ckin' traumatized me. ♥ Quote By: Sammi No man will ever touch me like that ever twice. ♥ Quote By: Sammi Come on Snick before I yank the f*ckin' duck out the wall. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie I was kinda getting like annoyed with Sammi because like the way like she like talks sometimes like she can be a real b*tch & she doesn't even like realize it. ♥ Quote By: Snooki It was Snickers the whole time, just her drunk ass causing problems. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie I don't need no family meetings. I don't need to trust in Snickers. I don't even trust in f*ckin' Jenni. ♥ Quote By: Sammi For now, hang out with the whole group and let's just go wild like let's just blow it out of the water. ♥ Quote By: Snooki He's Irish and he talks like a cowboy, and I always go for the Italian guys so it's weird for me to like him. ♥ Quote By: Snooki The only thing we care about is gettin' girls & going to the gym. ♥ Quote By: The Situation That girl can shake it. Drop it like it's hot, girl. ♥ Quote By: The Situation You look at me you think I'm like a stuck-up b*tch, but yet, like, veterinarian, like that's my soul, like I f*ckin' like, save animals, like that's what I do. ♥ Quote By: Snooki I delivered a friggin' calf from a cow! ♥ Quote By: Snooki When there was knockin' on the door, I was like, this is either the police for me, this is either some lawyer, somebody's Dad, somebody's brother... ♥ Quote By: The Situation She was riding you like a f*ckin' donkey ride, bro! ♥ Quote By: Vinny Mike to Vinny: You have no game at all.
Vinny to Mike: Really? That's not what your sister said.
The whole Ronnie and Sam situation may be crumbling as we speak, it's only a matter of time before she's gonna pull the eject button. ♥ Quote By: The Situation Mike, he's a creep, I mean at this point you're lucky I don't crack you in your face right now. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie I don't even understand that religion or what it is, I just wanna get to the business. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D The Situation: I like my clothes like my women...options.
Pauly D: You like your girls like your underwear...dirty.
I feel like a cooking turkey. ♥ Quote By: Snooki Snooki: Can I have a roll please?
The Situation: Don't worry, you got a couple.
I wanted to stab him in the f*cking eyeball with my fork. ♥ Quote By: Snooki It's A.C. b*tch, what happens in A.C. stays in A.C. ♥ Quote By: Snooki She got kicked out of the club like a piece of trash that she is. ♥ Quote By: The Situation How do I taste, bro? How does my d*ck taste, bro? Congratulations on my sloppy seconds. ♥ Quote By: Vinny You better grab your girl tight when I'm around, 'cause I know she's grillin' me.. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I'm saving myself for cowboy. ♥ Quote By: Snooki Yo, Pauly D has a little situation on his hands.. she's definitely a stage 5 clinger. ♥ Quote By: Vinny The power that was behind it, it was something outta a video game. ♥ Quote By: Vinny (JWOWW's Punch) I think my crotch is sticking out. ♥ Quote By: Snooki I'm not trashy, unless I drink too much. ♥ Quote By: Snooki You spilled the haterade. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D That hater-juice is best served cold. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I'm not pissed off that they put pickles under my bed as a joke, but I'm pissed off that Mike and Pauly wasted two pickles. ♥ Quote By: Snooki I just met this girl and she already stalks my whole life. ♥ Quote By: Pauly D It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I love bowling so I wanna like school all these kids. ♥ Quote By: Snooki This whole thing is with Sam, she wants nothing to do with you.
I closed that deal a long time ago; I already got the title for that closing. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie
My boobs are so tight I can't breathe, is that normal? ♥ Quote By: Snooki Snooki's outfit is crazy, she looks like a birthday cake, she's all decorated, dressed up, with the pink, boobs all out up in her face, I guess she wants to go out with a big bang, literally. ♥ Quote By: Ronnie I was wearing my corset, I look slutty, but I don't give a f*ck. I can wear whatever the f*ck I want. ♥ Quote By: Snooki GET THE F*CK OUTTA HERE BRO, THAT'S ONE SHOT, THAT'S ONE SHOT KID! ♥ Quote By: Ronnie Damn, the kid's sleeping right now. That's what you get for talking sh*t. ♥ Quote By: The Situation Don't call 911, I think that's emergency. ♥ Quote By: Sammi It's gorilla central out there, get the f*ck up, juice-heads everywhere! ♥ Quote By: JWOWW It's juice-head central right now, I'm in heaven. ♥ Quote By: JWOWW Big is out & lean is in. ♥ Quote By: The Situation Where are the juice-heads? I don't see any f*cking guido juice-head, you woke me up for nothing. ♥ Quote By: Snooki Hey ma, this is my new girlfriend for the next couple months till I break up with her when summer starts. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I knew she was 18, that ass does not look 12. ♥ Quote By: Snooki If a guy doesn't like you, it's called f*ck you. ♥ Quote By: The Situation I ran the house...I did whatever I wanted, I took whatever I wanted & it was my world. ♥ Quote By: The Situation