Facebook Status Quotes

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Who says I'm not in shape? Round's a shape, isn't it? I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now. 47% of all statistics are worthless. I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one. I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (& in a big font)! My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it. I'm cle'a[ni.ng m'y' ke]yb36oa;rd. ; reminds you to not play stupid with me! I'm better at it. ; is cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time. ; thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single". ; lives vicariously...through herself. ; took the "Are you spending too much time on Facebook" quiz and the result is "No - You should spend much more time". Jessie shot the computer. ; notices that nobody ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning. ; is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult. ; really wishes she could but, I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer. ; is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned. ; really wishes she could , but my panty hose sprung a leak. ; couldn't myself have better it said. ; is a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. ; is for external use only. See your doctor before administering. ; just found out that they took the word "gullible" out of the dictionary! ; will update his Facebook status for money! ; understands that hard work has a future payoff but Laziness pays off now. ; is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be paid back. ; says it's been a business doing pleasure with you. ; is wondering if he had everything, where would he keep it?